Peter Criss announces slogan for his next album

Peter Criss, famous ex-drummer of the band LIPS, just announced the slogan for his new album.

Peter Criss: "I felt that I somehow had to mention the fact I had breast cancer and really make people aware that this disease hurts everybody, men and women. The new slogan is surely going to help make people aware. 

The slogan: PETER CRISS, ROCK YOUR TITS OFF!

I might even keep it as a title for the album. I may even write a song for it. I will put my soul into that one, so it will be the lone ballad on this album, even though I promised a full on rock album.

As for KISS, I still hate those fuckers Gene and Paul. Since I broke the news of my illness, Paul seems to lse the vest more often just to show my he still has tiets. Fucker!"

KKS-topics killed by breast cancer

Several KKS-topics fell victem to the horrible disease known as breast cancer. CEO Fallen Angel explains:

"Breast cancer is a horrible disease. It destroys that which all men  love: the wonderous breasts of woman. We all wear pink ribbons here at the KKS-offices to support the fight against breast cancer. Fro is even wearing nothing but a pink thong.

Several KKS-topics have been killed by this disease. Last week, Peter Criss, the famous LIPPS-drummer, revealed on his website that he had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, but has since been cured.

But with this news, breast cancer has made freash victims. Now, moob jokes, are all of a sudden not funny anymore. Several topics that were in the works, have now been killed off. The return of former president Hank Habanero now seems even more of, since he can now no longer post his favorite pic, just 'cause it isn't funny anymore. Paul seems like a likely candidate for breast cancer, so joking about his moobs are out of the question.

But luckily, there are now about a dozen schlong topics in the works, so we do feel adament that the KKS will not suffer because of this."

Serious question

If Peter's dick was on your shoulder, would you want him to get off?

Modern Day Habanero lyrics

I still remember when I saw your post in the chatroom
Was compelled to read it, but that would seal my doom
I know you wrote it in your coffeebreak
But I always love your insightfull take

Loved those days (loved those days), Modern Day Habanero
It's time for you to read
You have to behave (alright!), Modern Day Habanero

Listen!
No more fake posts on the FAQ
You gotta realise the new KKS is good
All your readers are on their knees
They're crying "Hank, come back, please"
Loved those days (loved those days), Modern Day Habanero

It's time for you to read
You have to behave (oh yeah), Modern Day Habanero

Hey!
The old KKS is gone
The admin's the reason for the damage done
Too many post about Sophie Tweed
Take the leeeaaad!

Guitar Solo

I know the FAQ was our big break
But Hank, staying away here would be a big mistaaaaake....

It's time for you to read
Loved those days (loved those days), Modern Day Habanero
Shame, shame, shame on you Hank
Try to behave (c'mon now), Modern Day Habanero
Yeah, yeah, it's time for you to read
Loved those days (loved those days), now you'll pay, Habanero
Try to behave (oh yeah), KKS' decay, Habanero

KKS fans demand more KISS topics and less Fro topics

An anonymous spokesperson for the KKS-fans, only known as BD, demands "that the KKS immediatelly returns to it's classic roots, mainly KISS topics."

BD: "We don't need to know all about Fro, if I wanted to know all about him, I'd go to the FGS: Fro Gayclown Sex. I won't be watching Fro's first new KKS post that's for sure."

In other breaking news, the KKS intended to put up a clock counting down to Fro's first post, but finally came to the conclusion that none of the staff have the technical know-how to impliment this latest, greatest, ground-breaking idea.

New KKS movie-"KKS meets the FRO of the park"

Big news fuckers, so listen up....Just got done meeting with some very important people in my bathroom, and it looks like the new KKS movie is gonna happen. Can't say alot about it now so don't worry, but the story revolves around a small rundown carnival in Kentucky that becomes overrun with evil robots posing as famous KKS personalities Fallen Angel, Hankers Habanero and Missingdiver. The villian is FRO, a twisted, maniacal, fruity ass clown who refuses to wear pants. There will be alot of foul language as well as some disturbing sex scenes so beware.

Sophie Simmons will make a guest appearance in a sex scene with Missingdiver. More details soon...

Fro1013 to join KKS?

Rumors have been flying around the men's room here at KKS that Fro1013, the infamous gay clown of KISSfaq fame may be joining the staff here at the KKS. Time will tell if Fro will be able to work side by side with the KKS staff without all the innappropriate touching and beverage urination pranks that tarnished his legacy at KISSfaq. Time will tell....Stay tuned.

Simmons glues hand to Carrot Top's penis

A close call tonight in NYC. Gene Simmons reportedly once again had a close call with crazy glue, and oddly enough Carrot top was again involved. Details are sketchy at this point, but some how Simmons hands became glued to Carrot Tops penis around 6pm which caused a commotion since KISS was to be on stage at Madison Square Garden at 9pm.

Paul Stanley came to Gene's rescue and was able to free the bassist's hands sources close to the band say.

"It happens to the best of us." Said Stanley to reporters who had gathered outside their dressing room.

Carrot Top and Simmons refused to comment.

Gene to sell his feces at KISS Korners

Gene Simmons told CNN this morning he will begin selling his own feces at the Walmart KISSKorners currently set up in Walmarts around North America. Via a phone interview Simmons said,
"Everything starts with a notion, and that leads to another notion, and that notion leads to a pull at the old heartstring. You may be asking if I want fries with that? But I will be asking, would you like my turd with that? KISS fans collect everything, and I saw an opportunity there. Everyday I take a healthy dump, it all goes to waste. Not anymore. Walmart will set up coolers in the KISSKorners to make sure you receive your Gene Simmons turd in the freshest possible condition, and with maximum potency. It will include a certificate of authenticity(no Tommy turds), and will also have info on what I had for diinner the night before, and also what thoughts were going through my head while I "gave birth" to your new collectible. I've told executives at Walmart that my shit does not stink, so they shouldn't worry, as I wear more makeup then everybody's Mother and Daughter combined. I am Indy, buy my turd."
Walmart will sell the feces for 19.99, and several employees have already quit their jobs upon hearing of this latest business endeavor with Simmons.

Devil Bat Bird strikes again

Police in Santa Monica California responded to a complaint last night. It appears Gene Simmons's, famed bass player for Bullfrog beer, pet bird, otherwise known as "Devil bat bird", has once again attacked former Chelsea drummer Peter Crisscoula who lives under the pier.

I'm out here trying to live my life in harmony with the ocean and the other bums under the pier, and that fucking devil bat bird keeps attacking me. He flew off with my latest tapes for my rock record. I worked hard on those tapes! Now I'll have to start over. Paul Shaffer said he will not come back and redo his piano tracks because it smells like dead fish under here and there is no toilet, so fuck him, but god him bless too. It really breaks my heart, but this one goes for you Mom. God bless. High tide. Pro mark.

Failed KKS/Ace Frehley collaboration

The KKS missed out on a great oppurtunity when the KISS FAQ took the KKS offline. Ace Frehley was looking for a producer for the iTunes exclusive track The Return Of Space Bear.

Ace Frehley: "The KKS was the perfect fit to produce this song. But I couldn't find them anywhere around that time. Hearing that the KKS is back now, and having turned to another producer meanwhile, is devistating news to me.

But all in all the track came out great. I turned to the second biggest joke of an organization in the world: Abramson/Simmons."

KKS fans dissapointed with the new KKS

Long-time KKS diehards seem very dissappointed by the new KKS.

A anonymous fan, who claims to be the biggest KISS-related practical joke around, agreed to sit down with us:

Fan: "I'm very dissapointed. Just look at the bar on the right side of the screen; there is only one post about Paul's moobs and one post about Peter Criss' schlong. Those two things defined the classic KKS-sound. Without, it's just a bland copy of it's former glory.

Without Hank, the KKS will be nothing but scab-KKS to me. Just another quick money grab oppurtunity for the current members."

Gene Simmons also wanted to let the KKS know how he feels about the direction:

"I never liked the KKS, but this new version is actually quite good for helping me sleep. Check it out:

See how good it's making me sleep. Ouch!"

Alternate version of 'Fox On The Run'

He'll release this version as a single in October. Here are the lyrics:

I - don't wanna know 'bout KISS
'Cause their album is a miss
Mine will be out before
O.K. - you think Tommy's got a pretty face
But he will never-ever be the Ace
I looked allright before

My time in the sun
Anomoly's out and everybody comes a running
Buy a copy and hide yourself away
My time in the sun
T - time
My time in the sun
I'm here to stay

You - you just talk about Sonic Boom
But the songs'll make you leave the room
I've heard them all before
I - I made the far better song
'Cause I know for what you long
In '78 I did before

My time in the sun
Anomoly's out and everybody comes a running
Buy a copy and hide yourself away
My time in the sun
T - time
My time in the sun
I'm here to stay

T - time
My time in the sun
Anomoly's out and everybody comes a running
Buy a copy and hide yourself away
My time in the sun
T - time
My time in the sun
I'm here to stay
My time in the sun
My time in the sun
My time in the sun
My time in the sun...

Vinnie Vincent to sue himself

Vinnie Vincent, former guitarist for KISS, and current janitor at a Nashville area Burger King, has filed a lawsuit against himself. In a press release, Vincent said he has "ruined his career, and life." He is seeking damages totaling more than $125.00 and hopes for an apology from himself.

He is also considering filing a sexual harassment case against former bandmate Chiam Witz,aka Gene Klein, stemming from a incident in a Rio De Janeiro bathroom stall in 1983. "Chiam knew it was me" Vincent said,"He claimed he thought I was a girl, but I was in my KISS makeup...how could he not know? I still have nightmares. Foreigner was playing in the background on the radio. I'm gonna sue them too."

More details as they develop....

KISS reacts to Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction

The KKS brings you the first reactions of all living KISS members on the long overdue induction into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame.

Gene Simmons: "Now that we are finally using new costumes, I needed some storage space to put the old ones, so this induction certainly comes in handy."

Paul Stanley: "We wrote some great music that's certainly up to par with all those great bands out there: the Beatles, the Stones, Queen. We will celebrate on induction night by playing let's... put... the... X... in seeexxx!"

Ace Frehley: "KISS getting inducted into the hall of fame? That sounds like an Anomaly, available everywere, ack!"

Peter Criss: "This is a great honor. But I'm actually more proud of my induction into the Schlong Hall Of Fame. Bastids kept me out for years because I never starred in a porn movie. But I used to be in a gang, so I showed them."

Vinnie Vincent: "This is actually happening because the RaRHoF is scared of getting sued by me. I was in the band 25 years ago, so I'm eligable. Plus, KISS only became good when I was there. It's because of 'the Wiz' that KISS gets in. And in a few years, 'Vinnie Vincent Invasion' will get in, day one from being eligable!"

Eric Singer: "It's great, getting to perform there is just one more paycheck for me."

Tommy Thayer: --Copy-paste Ace response here--

Bruce Kulick: "It's a huge honor for KISS. Only downside to it: my brother has been even more cranky lately then ever before..."

Luring Hank back

This should do the trick:

Ace Frehley likes some sauce

Ace Frehley has been seen drinking some sauce in a KISS burger. We had a KKS reporter at the scene:

What'cha drinkin', Ace?

I'm drinking Habanero-sauce. I don't want the taste of a sandwich with some beef spoil the hot taste for me.

So you also want Hank back over at the KKS, is that what you are saying?

Who's Hank? But sure, whatever, as long as you buy a copy of Anomaly...

KKS/KISS Burger partership

The KKS has partnered up with KISS Burger. All paper placemats at all KISS Burger outlets will now be sponcered by KKS.

So next time you eat over at your local KISS Burger, also take a look under your food to see what going on there.

Monthly, one of our topics will be featured in print on a placemat. There will also be a drawing for the kids and a crosswordpuzlle, with a change to win prices.

The KISS Burger milk carts will also feature a missing Hank picture. This will remain untill Hank is either found or the partnership ends.

The Search For Hank

After the great KKS The Motion Picture and the even bigger sequal The Wrath Of Fro, the KKS launches it's next movie project: The Search For Hank.

The KKS is in a dismall state after the split with the FAQ. Hank was first reported dead after reading the news. But, posts under the banner of HankHabanero have been popping up at the FAQ. Hank could still be alive. So, the remaining KKS crew set out on their boldest adventure yet: to find and rescue their fallen leader. They will find him in a child-like state, having forgotten everything about his previous life with the KKS. Now it'll be their job to save him and teach him everything again.

Coming this fall: The Search For Hank

In extremely select theathers only.

KKS ratings/views through the roof!

Peeeeeple, The all new, hot new, KKS is burning up across country with fire and thunder! More people than ever have checked in for their daily dose of KISS Komedy. Almost 3 people have checked in! And, that includes people who logged in by accident.

Peter Criss has issued the following statement:

Fucking KKS won't die.......Bastids don't know when to quit. Pro mark. GiGi. This one goes to you Mama Cass.

The staff at KKS is certain things will turn around as soon as the Walmart promotion kicks into high gear. Stay tuned.

Info on the Walmart KKS Korners

Just got some new info on the new Walmart KKS Korners. Because of the Relaunch of the KKS, and due to demand, Walmart will be selling exclusive "KKS Klassics reGrooved" cd's which are the entire back catalog of threads read by voice over legend Gilbert Gottfried. Tracks include:

1-9 inch jokes/Peter's "Baby driver"
2-Pauls bosom/teet needles/Moobs
3-One for all/feces/poop jokes
4-Eddie Trunks weight/girth
5-KKS conventions/debacles/incidents
6-Hank's sexual habits/fetishes
7-Gay clowns
8-Really/Ultra gay clowns
9-Devil Bat bird
10-Jakers
11-Gloryholes
12-Song lyrics
13-Sophie/Dateline NBC
14-Shannon Tweed's Vaginal tightening/Plastic surgery

Walmart has also approved a full line of merchandise including KKS t shirts, trading cards, and toilet paper. Action figures will also be available of all the past cast members from the Kissfaq glory days, Fallen Angel, Hank Habanero, Missingdiver, Black_Diamond, Fro.

Walmart executives refused to comment.

The KKS is back and I told you so!

That's right, folks, the KKS is back. Our building was vacated and demolished by the KISSFAQ, which had the majority of our shares. With the current economic downturn, the KKS became a liability. That's what really happened. All of the child pornagraphy allegations and stories that were smeared out in the tabloids are false.

But I got the KKS back up and running again. Currently the KKS headquarters is located in my parents garage. But hey, Bill Gates started out that way too.

What can you expect from the new KKS? The same as before. It's just a fresh coat of paint in a our new crib.

Currently it's just me, Fallen Angel, running this place. Black_diamond has gone to KKS-heaven. But once you join the KKS, you can never leave it. Whatever he tries to accomplish on his own, he'll always be refered to as that guy who used to be in the KKS.

Missingdiver is supposedly still camping out to get the new KISS album Sonic Boom. He'll probably be gone a long time since he is camping outside a BestBuy instead of a Walmart.

HankHabanero is now living with Peter Criss under the Santa Monica Pier. I really wanted Hank here, since the KKS is our baby. But that fucking bastid stabs me in the back like that. Ah well, as long as he pays me some allemony to support our KKS baby, I can live with it.

The other writers have moved on and gotten happily unmarried.

That's it for now folks. Remember to sign up on the right to get notified of new messages. And your always welcome to respond to the latest topics.

Also, the KKS is also still looking for some new writers, so give me shout if you want to become a millionaire writing for the prestegious KKS. In any case it'll look odd on your résumé.

The KKS is about to relaunch!

Get ready folks, 'cause the KKS is planning a stunning comeback album and supporting tour. Gold and platinum packages will be available through an exclusive pre-sale. Check back soon for more info.